Let's not forget, why I started all this in the first place
Before any of this writing, or promising gimmick
Before any of my haunting and lonesome addiction
You where there. Watching me fight
You held your arms open wide
When I prayed to you asking for You to guide
I turned back around when you offered your advice
Let's not forget, You stood by me even in the midst
When I betrayed you over and over, telling You "I didn't need this"
I can't live my life, saying others have it worse
Cause the fact of the matter is, I'm still writing this apologetic verse
There's still something inside of me, I need You to fight
My spiraling thoughts. I despise them, I don't want to hate my own life
But to not address what's right in front me is actually wrong
So I wove it between the notes of this song
I apologize for all the times I've failed
Too easily I forget You already prevailed
I don't have to please anyone or prove myself
My addiction to sin can be controlled through the pain that He felt
Lord, forgive me.
Open up what's in my heart and rip out all of the envy
I already messed up my beginning, so write me a new ending
Use me and my words, cause I'm tired of my life pending.
One of the biggest lies Satan can make us believe is that we are doing God's work, when in fact really we aren't. It is crazy to see how much we change in a few years. In the past probably 2 years, something changed me. I went from praying every night, to believing everything was alright as my emotions and spiritual blindness just built up around me. I got more confident, yeah... but what did I have to sacrifice? And was it confidence that I was actually gaining?
One thing I have always tried to do is be friends with every person I meet. I want to show them God's love even when nobody else is talking to them. I just love people. Probably because I used to be that shy new kid in school that nobody talked to, and I knew how terrible it felt. Anyway, over the course of me getting older, and thinking about college, I began to think my faith was automatically growing up with me. It was actually the opposite. Because I thought that, my eagerness to learn more about God went away. I thought I knew all I needed to know, and I could just live life with the knowledge I had.
That's painful. That is so far from the truth. You might be asking yourself (or it's just me, yeah, probably just me), "Luke, why would your ego-inflated-self tell us that random fact that you always want to make people feel loved? To brag? (As if that is supposed to be impressive)"
My point in telling you that is, this past chapter in my life, I noticed I began to actually reject people. I would just say,
"Oh they are that kind of person? I don't even want to talk to them. I shouldn't; they will drag me down with them."
Can you imagine how selfish that would sound if God told me one day,
"Luke, this person didn't know Me, they are going to have to be separated from Me for eternity. And look, I gave you a chance to say something, but apparently you *insert excuse here*."
I believe all this stems from me somehow convincing myself that I already know good enough. The title of this post is Why The Narrow Path Is The New Wide Road. If you aren't familiar with this analogy, please see Matthew 7:13-14, or else you will be more lost than a teenage boy hammered drunk at a Ke$ha concert... I convinced myself that I was already on the narrow path, and doing everything right. My inflated ego got in the way of God humbling me. It blinded me from realizing that I was actually doing what the world does on the wide road. God tells us we have to work our whole lives trying to free ourselves from sin. The moment we tell ourselves we have the answers, is the moment we lose them. The moment we tell ourselves we have life figured out, is the time we come to realize we don't. (Or we don't even get the chance to realize it).
So I introduce a new concept (at least it's new to me)... The Narrow Illusion. I define it simply by restating what I said above: The moment we think we have God figured out, is the proof that we don't. Many people think they are on the narrow road, following God. But who are they really following? Their own desires? Anyone can say they follow God and really not, even if they themselves believe they do. I did that for the longest time... sometimes I still do it. In the end, God only knows our true intentions and motives.
So why do you do what you do? Who do you do it for?
I'm just going to be praying. For my friends, and for me. We all need it.
Your friend,
-Luke.
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