The One Thing That Controls Your Life

   -Unfulfilled Dreams-

I don't want to look back and talk about what I could have done

I don't want to look back and talk about what I should have done

I don't want to look back and talk about what I would have done

I want to look back talk about what a did

How I followed my dreams and took risks

Because wasting my life makes me sick

If I had money, but no joy, it's all useless

If I did it all, but didn’t have God, what's the use of it?

I don't want to abuse this

And tell my grandchilden my story was financially secure
As I look back at what I could have done better as I wonder.
if I’ll really listen
Or will I be too distant
God, I can’t help but chase after what I know could be the death of me
But I know that it could also help more people than I’ll ever see
Help me make the right decision cause I need it desperately
Scratch that… I don’t even know where to begin with this
The journey already seems endless
But I’m ready to dedicate my life to this
I need conformation or I might just quit
This is something I gotta be sure about
Not where people ask my whereabouts
I really wanna do this here and now
But all that’s really in me is fear, now.
I really wanna get attention, how?
No wait, attention should never be the end goal.

Let me put a pistol in front of my soul's window and guard it from everything sinful.

     Fear can be the most crippling thing ever. Fear can determine wether you follow what dreams you want to achieve, or back down and choose the easy road. It keeps you chained down and scared to speak, try, experience, be passionate, play, run, be free! Fear steals your freedom. It becomes an addiction because you might be able to run to it for safety, but you aren't really safe. The very thing you are running to is what you are chained to. Your brain has switched what is evil and what is good. 

"Oh no, I'm fine. Speaking in front of people isn't for me." 

"I rather not go there. I prefer my usual routine."

"Well okay, I'll do it. It might hurt their feelings if I say no."

     Right now quite honestly I feel on top of fear. I feel like I broke its hold on me. It's why I'm writing this, because I feel so much more free. I'm positive that I'm not unafraid of everything. In fact, I'm afraid that I will compromise the standards I have set for myself. I'm afraid if I kill the beliefs that have rooted my faith, my faith will wither away. I am really afraid of a lot things. But I'm sure David was afraid of Goliath, did that stop him? David didn't let fear control him. 

What it comes down to is this: we're afraid of fear.

     Being afraid is normal, but it's when we fight even though we doubt, that true character shines throughout. (Sorry, unintentional rhyming ;) .... My biggest prayer for us all is that we go even though we want to stop. That our emotions don't control who we are. That other's opinions don't stop us from chasing what is right. That as I grow up, because I am only 17, I always remember fear is only as alive as I make it. I was God to use me however He wants to. I will die if I have to. I will speak in front of thousands if He want me to. I will go. And fear won't stop me. 

     I don't care what you do. I don't care if you sit at home all your life. It's your life. God didn't put me in charge of you, and frankly I'm glad because I don't really care enough. Sue me. I'm telling you I won't let fear control me. I want you to choose the same, but I'm not forcing anyone to, as you can see. I pray you find freedom from fear in your own life too. Don't let fear be an excuse.

Freedom From Me,

Luke.

What If You're A Christian Who Is Skipping Happily Into Hell?

     When you become precious to God, you become important to Satan

It’s why the devil’s throwing at me every single temptation

And I’dunno where I’m racing, I just know that I floored it.

It’s like I’m running from something I think I’m just going toward it.

Intention is nothing without a current direction

So I play against the infection as if it's recreation

Everything is mind game, sometimes I wonder what to put my faith in.

Let me keep You as #1, over searching for fun, life as only be begun

I need to be ready when the hard times come.

Unless they're already here, I think I'm living in fear

I'm laughing like a child while I'm on the verge of tears.

I don't want cute quotes to fix me, I need true hope living in me.

     The road to death is a long, happy, exciting one. I often wonder how pastors like Joel Osteen can live with themselves. Then I start really putting myself in his shoes, and what I begin to think is, he actually believes what he is preaching.... WELL DUH. This is where I elaborated on that idea, and began to think, what if there are plenty of Christians out there that truly believe they are doing good, but are really going down that wrong road? What if that's me? These question haunt my very being, and make my faith shake sometimes. What if I'm living wrong? What if the devil wants me to believe everything is alright? What if.... What if.... What if.... What if....

     Satan is a genius. We have all been shown what to look out for. We have all been taught to look for the wolves in sheep skin. But what if he just slightly twists the words of a sheep? What if God doesn't intervene as much as your over-spiritualizing self wants Him to? I don't know. I honestly don't have an answer. The Bible doesn't give an accurate, exact number on how many times God performs miracles in each of our lives. Satan is well aware that we are looking out for the wolves. He is also well aware that we won't notice if we ourselves become the wolves. Satan makes it his goal to eat away at our faith and our very soul. 

     What if we don't even know that the very monster we are trying to fight is ourselves? The Devil didn't have to plant seeds of envy, hate, and lust in us like he did in the beginning of time. We already have it in us now. He just has to bring out what is already buried deep inside of who we are. I need to pray for me, that my mind won't be clouded by a desire of the flesh. That I don't have to listen to my sinfulness telling me that I am worthless. I have to be on guard from myself, because the devil wants to poke at my dark side. He wants it to consume who I am, and me not even realize it. That is what I fear most. Not that I turn into a monster, but that I turn into a monster who doesn't even realize it. Once he has convinced me that bad is good, I will stroll happily down the path of destruction and swan dive into the Lake of Fire.

      Okay, I feel like I've used too many metaphors. Let's bring this around to the point I'm trying to make.... Take a look at what you believe, why you believe it, and who you have become. Where did you get those ideas from? The Bible is all we have to fact-check what we believe. Don't believe anything else. I have to constantly check myself, looking to see if my truth has been warped. Maybe this post doesn't make sense. Maybe I am crazy. Whatever. I felt like I needed to say this.

Freedom From Me,

Luke.

Random Thoughts

I used to struggle to find words that could rhyme.
Now look at me, 
I don’t have the decency
This is coming off the top of my head and I’m writing it down easily.
You’re a clown, so step down, or I’ll go around your body on the ground after I knock your socks off.
Please stop your songs are making my ears pop
Be like Taylor and shake it off.
All these insecure women just take it off.
And how in the world could you do this,
Murdering children in the womb calling them sub-human
Makes me sick to think about,
All I feel I can do is run around
Screaming don’t do it while I’m rhyming somehow
Maybe I should get louder
Show everybody I don’t have the power
Now the spotlight has ironically hit the lighthouse.
I’m not afraid to scream what I believe right now.
And if money is everything, then I don’t want anything.
I hope the words of this song are nothing but crippling
To your soul, it’s the goal of my life. 
Not to live for what I can get, I know that I’m right.
I’ll say that again, money is nothing to me
If I could give it all away I would do it instantly.
Still I have to murder whats inside of me.
Or it will leave my whole life spiraling. 
I dedicate all of this to the person that is lost in confusion.
Things aren’t God’s substitution.
You’re losing, just back up, I’m #1 with a lack of, individuality 
I’m cowardly on the inside I’m dastardly, look at where I will be in 10 years. Just wait and see.
NO. I forget this is God and me
If I do it for me it has no value at all.
Look at where God will take me in 10 years, I already heard the call
Still I guess I’m waiting to fall
I thought I had gone from Saul to Paul
If my life’s a plane, I think I’m about to stall
Sitting on my knees begging God as I crawl
I’m juggling personalities
So I gotta let this out of me
Sin is towering
But God is empowering
Somebody lied and said the fruits of the spirit are souring
Writing this leaves my failures cowering
Even though I’ve been here for an hour
Their lyrics just seem to be grating
on my my mind or enslaving
my mind it’s engraving 
all these bad imitations 
of what life is made of
This was supposed to chain me
But instead it just saved me
from the dark picture I’m painting
on my heart that’s too innocent.
Nah forget it I’m a figment of my imagination
Who ever said I can’t show off what I please God with
Just because it leaves your heads nodding
or your souls sobbing
I can’t help it that I write from my pain
I can’t help it that I’m going insane
I can’t help it that we’re a grain of sand
we don’t understand, I am not the plan 
but a puzzle piece sitting in the stands
but I am not a fan cause I live my life by this
I’ve got my lighthouse lit.
I’m shining for these kids
that don’t have a voice.
I thought I told you people, I am just a boy.
Writing from my pain…
Huh,
Maybe I say things too blatantly. 
One day, just wait and see.

I Rather Be An Outsider...

Outsider (Poem)

I’d rather be an outsider.
The world is throwing this stuff at me making me an angry writer.
Now I turned my words into a weapon, guess that makes me a fighter.
We gotta be a light in this world so I’m holding up my lighter.
Girls clothes get tighter, Cause they know where our eyes set, 
I’m losing sight of my goal, I shouldn’t see them as objects.
-
SNAP OUT OF IT.
The world says to be proud if it.
I should be astounded, gosh I wish I was grounded,
cause they way that I’m crashing it’s like horns of Jericho just sounded.
On the outside I seem to have it all together like Ron Burgundy,
But on the inside I don’t know why there’s hurt in me.
Should I follow the world? Or should I follow what’s true?
Sometimes I get sick of rhyming things.
Because I wonder what’s going on inside of me
The fruit of my sinfulness is ripening
It’s like I’ve replaced God with this poetry.
As if it’s the thing that’s been holding me,
I think it’s just controlling me.
whenever I mess up, it’s just an outlet.
But I keep trying to recharge my soul like it’s a power outlet.
I forget to take the power out of what I consume.
Because if I let it get a hold of me I know that I’ll lose.
They are telling us what to do, like, “HERE, put on these shoes!”,
And they’re brainwashing our kids too, heck probably through Blues Clues.
I know that I’m a liar. 
I wish my morals were higher.
Oh well, even if I fail my heart won’t stop. I’m still an outsider.
(By Luke Boyd)




     In light of Lecrae’s new album coming out, I have been fan-girling over the past week. It’s a great piece of art and I totally recommend picking it up. Anyway, what really hit home with me out of the whole album is the first song, Outsider. The idea is, even though the world says this, and even though the world might want us to just have fun, I rather be an outsider. I rather follow what I know to be true. It brought me to a whole new stance because I had really been struggling with the world. I had been wanting to be accepted by them, because I thought that is where I could find my happiness.
     That’s why I am completely in love with this term, “outsider”. As I am gearing up for college, and frankly as I live my life now around people that are not saved, it is tough not to follow them. I don’t want to say, “Yeah, sorry I’ve never been drunk, I can’t relate.” or, “No… I am saving that for when I am married.” There is a fine line between engaging with non-believers, and accepting and following how they live. I want to be friends with everybody, but I can’t compromise my standards to please everybody. I can either follow the world, or follow Jesus.
     To follow Jesus isn’t very popular anymore. Christianity is on the rise, but following Jesus is on the decline. I must be an Outsider. We must be Outsiders. I know that if we followed what the world does, we could have lots of fun. But pleasure isn’t the goal of life anymore. We are called to fight sin and proclaim truth until they day we die. If that makes me an outsider, then so be it. If I get weird looks and have no friends, so be it. I love people, but love isn’t a synonym for accepting. 
     And as my life living independently grows closer and closer, I am determinded to not be another 'church drop-out' statistic. My faith is only getting stronger, and God is only making me bolder. I encourage you to fight along side with me. I’m going to love people, and love God. Let’s wear our scars out loud and make a difference. Be okay with living outside.

My name is Luke, 
I am a white kid who loves rap and poems, I write down my thoughts and sometimes they rhyme, I will fight sin and proclaim truth until the day I die (see, that kind of rhymed, right? No, k…) 
...and I am an #Outsider.

Why The Narrow Path Is The New Wide Road (Matt 7:13-14)

Let’s Not Forget (Poem)

Let's not forget, why I started all this in the first place
Before any of this writing, or promising gimmick
Before any of my haunting and lonesome addiction
You where there. Watching me fight
You held your arms open wide
When I prayed to you asking for You to guide
I turned back around when you offered your advice
Let's not forget, You stood by me even in the midst
When I betrayed you over and over, telling You "I didn't need this"
I can't live my life, saying others have it worse
Cause the fact of the matter is, I'm still writing this apologetic verse
There's still something inside of me, I need You to fight
My spiraling thoughts. I despise them, I don't want to hate my own life
But to not address what's right in front me is actually wrong
So I wove it between the notes of this song
I apologize for all the times I've failed
Too easily I forget You already prevailed
I don't have to please anyone or prove myself
My addiction to sin can be controlled through the pain that He felt
Lord, forgive me.
Open up what's in my heart and rip out all of the envy
I already messed up my beginning, so write me a new ending
Use me and my words, cause I'm tired of my life pending.

     One of the biggest lies Satan can make us believe is that we are doing God's work, when in fact really we aren't. It is crazy to see how much we change in a few years. In the past probably 2 years, something changed me. I went from praying every night, to believing everything was alright as my emotions and spiritual blindness just built up around me. I got more confident, yeah... but what did I have to sacrifice? And was it confidence that I was actually gaining?
     One thing I have always tried to do is be friends with every person I meet. I want to show them God's love even when nobody else is talking to them. I just love people. Probably because I used to be that shy new kid in school that nobody talked to, and I knew how terrible it felt. Anyway, over the course of me getting older, and thinking about college, I began to think my faith was automatically growing up with me. It was actually the opposite. Because I thought that, my eagerness to learn more about God went away. I thought I knew all I needed to know, and I could just live life with the knowledge I had.
     That's painful. That is so far from the truth. You might be asking yourself (or it's just me, yeah, probably just me), "Luke, why would your ego-inflated-self tell us that random fact that you always want to make people feel loved? To brag? (As if that is supposed to be impressive)"
My point in telling you that is, this past chapter in my life, I noticed I began to actually reject people. I would just say,
"Oh they are that kind of person? I don't even want to talk to them. I shouldn't; they will drag me down with them."
Can you imagine how selfish that would sound if God told me one day,
"Luke, this person didn't know Me, they are going to have to be separated from Me for eternity. And look, I gave you a chance to say something, but apparently you *insert excuse here*."
   
     I believe all this stems from me somehow convincing myself that I already know good enough. The title of this post is Why The Narrow Path Is The New Wide Road. If you aren't familiar with this analogy, please see Matthew 7:13-14, or else you will be more lost than a teenage boy hammered drunk at a Ke$ha concert... I convinced myself that I was already on the narrow path, and doing everything right. My inflated ego got in the way of God humbling me. It blinded me from realizing that I was actually doing what the world does on the wide road. God tells us we have to work our whole lives trying to free ourselves from sin. The moment we tell ourselves we have the answers, is the moment we lose them. The moment we tell ourselves we have life figured out, is the time we come to realize we don't. (Or we don't even get the chance to realize it).
     So I introduce a new concept (at least it's new to me)... The Narrow Illusion. I define it simply by restating what I said above: The moment we think we have God figured out, is the proof that we don't. Many people think they are on the narrow road, following God. But who are they really following? Their own desires? Anyone can say they follow God and really not, even if they themselves believe they do. I did that for the longest time... sometimes I still do it. In the end, God only knows our true intentions and motives.

So why do you do what you do? Who do you do it for?

I'm just going to be praying. For my friends, and for me. We all need it.
Your friend,
-Luke.