I’m getting tired of putting in all these cheap quotes,
Like true hope, can be found, in the simple realization I think underground when I hear my heart pound, it’s so loud. My heart’s foul but I still run from whoever’s on the prowl.
Ain’t it funny fear is really my achilles heel.
Despite how much I scream out that it don’t affect how I feel.
Get this pain up outta me
I’m being who I’m made to be
Stopping all this slavery
To these objects that I see
I’m hoping they’re all listening
To my intensive whistling
I mean HELP this stuff is killing me
I might FAIL but I’m like a killer bee
I fight until the day I day
Until there’s nothing left inside
Until my life is rectified
I know this passion won’t subside
Can’t you see how scared I am?
I’m a kid who’s only 17
I know He’s got a better plan
I don’t listen to what I think
You know I’m screaming til I die
Right now I feel so alive
Ain’t NOTHING that I have inside
To change the fact I’m sanctified
Murder fear like it’s the plague
I think that I’m going quite insane
I pray this all is not in vain
I’m living proof from all this pain
My selfishness is crippling
I think my ego’s tripling
There’s water in my soul I really feel like it’s just rippling
Sometimes I feel like constant self-evaluation is the only way I can stay sane. I am not a good Christian. In fact sometimes I hate the term Christian. I rather not be one. Forget that crap. I guess this can sound cheesy, I don’t know. I follow Jesus. Not religion. Not pastors. Not tradition. They can all get corrupted oh so easily. Jesus is NOT the one who causes people to beat their children for being gay “all in the name of God”, or exile anyone who doesn’t have Christian beliefs. I don’t quote the Bible much, I know. But I was reading 1st Corinthians yesterday and I came across a part that said, “If I speak the languages of men and of angels, but do not have love, I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
If I don’t love, I am just making mindless noise. Nobody is listening to me if I do not love. For all the evil going on in the modern-day church, and in Christianity in general, I have but one suggestion: stop judging, stop hating, stop enforcing, stop everything. Just love. Okay now that I got that off my chest, I can continue with what I was talking about, or at least where I was trying to go with this whole thing to begin with.
It doesn’t make any sense. Everything I struggled with, and all this stuff that used to plague my mind when I was writing my book has all started to go away. During the time I was writing my book, (if you don’t know, yes, I am releasing a book in the next month entitled Freedom From Myself) I was struggling with so many things. I was tired of being single. I wanted people to accept me. I was discovering what it was like to go deeper than ever before in my faith. I prayed every day so much about everything. I was genuinely hurting inside. I didn’t even realize it, but fast forward to here and now, and I could care less if I’m single or not. I’m just content wherever God has me. I am completely secure in who I am and know that I can’t change myself, so I’m just going to embrace it!
I know that I probably shouldn’t admit all these problems to the world, but you can judge me all you want. You can think different of me, I don’t care at all. If my life is completely bashed and attacked because I talk about what I struggle with, that’s OKAY. I have had so many people message me, talk to me, and call me just to tell me how much my blog has impacted them. It doesn’t make any sense to me, but it is completely worth any hate or criticism all for even just one person to be encouraged. I don’t do any of this for myself, but for God to work through me.
My book is coming soon. Get ready.
Find Freedom,
Luke.
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