MY BOOK IS HERE

Well friends, after almost 2 years of work and dedication, (and the whole reason I started this blog to begin with) my book is here. Freedom From Myself: The Death Of Me. I pray more than anything God uses it to help people. If it only sells 5 copies, so be it. If it sells 500, so be it. However the Lord wants to use it is how I want it used. At the end of the day, God's purpose for me is what I should be striving for. Not popularity, fame, money, or anything this world offers. It is all worthless.

Click To Buy Freedom From Myself

Also, search for it on your Kindle to read it instantly at only $5!


Thanks friends,
Glory to Him.
-Luke.

Why Life Is Too Short To Worry

I found it (Poem)

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Look at my wrist watch, this is it. Watch me lift off.

Why does everybody seem ticked off about something?

Everything I've been afraid of I just flicked off like it's nothing.

I found what I've been searching my whole life for.

Everything I dreamed, wanted to be clean,

prayed to my God, “take away the sting!”

What I never realized was that good could still come.

I found it.

My grades went from B's to C's

There's something cleaning me

I don't think they get it. They can't see the mission.

That's okay, I won't hold it against them.

I'm going to chase this secret I found.

Everybody keeps trying to drag me down.

Telling me it's impossible as they sing, “nothing is impossible with Jesus.”

If you want the good life you better please us.
We can give you everything if you seek us.
The people I love tell me I need them.
But I just keep pointing to these pages, screaming that they would read them.

I guess they can't read if they're blind, though.
They can't see us, that's my que.

My que is here.

My que is here.

My que is here.

It's here I say.

Dating isn't as important

My career isn't as important

I don't care if my car is imported

No matter what I'm in, I floor it.

I keep trying to get to the core of it.

I found it.

I'm never going to stop chasing; they don't get it.

These Christians don't get it.

I think they missed it.

They have a mold and they want me to fit it.

My little light, I lit it.

It's about to shine bright not for me to be seen,

but so the light can reveal the true King.

Glory be, I found it.

There's not any way to get around it.

Lead me, I'm waiting.

I'm never going to stop creating.

Whenever my light starts fading, I'll know I've almost made it.

It's not hard for me to say it, I found it.

I pray that I'm always grounded.

I'm worthless, without Him

I found it.

Friends, I found it.

Family, I found it.

Everybody, I found it!

I prayed for years wanting to find a purpose, not realizing I was praying to my purpose.

Everybody's opinions are merciless.

Telling me I'll change my mind cause I'm young.

None of them get it.

They don't get it.

I found it.

I REALLY found it.

Welcome to the death of me,

Everybody, I found it.

     So my book is coming out November 15th; my 18th birthday. I pray more than anything it is a statement that shows kids can do more than what adults expect them to do, and that we can do whatever we pursue with excellence under the Grace of Jesus. I want my generation to rise. I want us to fight everything that the world throws at us. Right now the media uses us as their main demographic to poison. They see us as blank pages. I want us to realize we are the masters of our beliefs, because God put us in charge of them. We can choose to fall to this world, or rise to Jesus.
     This book shows my scars and every wound I carry. I’ve just come to realize that this life isn’t important. Being more specific, my life isn’t important. My image is not important. If this book ruins my image, but brings even one person to the Lord, I have succeeded. What I found is my purpose. And it has everything to do with people’s souls, and not what they think of me. It isn’t one that involves living a safe life, I know that much. I want to help people at all costs. I feel a calling to engage our culture, and transform it from the inside out. Do we spend our time trying to help other people, or trying to change other people to fit our molds? Love and Jesus, it’s all that is required of us.
     I’m going to keep screaming “Jesus" in the coolest way I know how. I have found the confidence to speak truth and be real regardless of what happens to people’s opinions of me. If there is one thing I can get across to you in this post, let this be it… Life is too short to worry. Life is too short to always be making decisions based on what other people will think. Life is too short not to do something. 
     The day I turn 18, and I want people to see that we don’t have to have a degree in theology to be honest about our problems, love Jesus, and speak truth. 18 is so young, I completely realize that. Life is too short to wait. Please don’t tell yourself that what you feel called to do can wait until after college, marriage, or whatever excuse you have. 
     Let this book show the life of me, an average dude, who found his purpose and didn’t let anything hold him back. Let this book show that even though I have some incredibly deep wounds and scars, God can transform them into medicine for others. Let God use you. Life is too short to wait. And let this book prove to you that God can use my generation to make an impact here and now. 
     The cool thing about redemption is, even though God covers all the sin in your life, the scars remain. He leaves them to be used as a teaching device for everyone else. So that you can yell at the top of your lungs, “I am broken, but look at who fixed me! I am worthless, but look at who has worth!” One of my favorite lyrics of all time is from Amazing Grace, “I once was blind, but now I see.” So simple. And so powerful. The writer of that song, he got it. He understands what I have discovered. It is time to wake up and change the world. 

Wake up.

NEW WEBSITE!

I am at a new and improved place: www.freedomfrommyself.com

Check out my latest blog post on the new website!

Be on the lookout for the Freedom From Myself book! (All information is at new site as well)

Why I Love Being Attacked, And Other Thoughts

I’m getting tired of putting in all these cheap quotes,

Like true hope, can be found, in the simple realization I think underground when I hear my heart pound, it’s so loud. My heart’s foul but I still run from whoever’s on the prowl. 

Ain’t it funny fear is really my achilles heel.

Despite how much I scream out that it don’t affect how I feel.

Get this pain up outta me

I’m being who I’m made to be

Stopping all this slavery

To these objects that I see

I’m hoping they’re all listening

To my intensive whistling

I mean HELP this stuff is killing me

I might FAIL but I’m like a killer bee

I fight until the day I day

Until there’s nothing left inside

Until my life is rectified

I know this passion won’t subside

Can’t you see how scared I am? 

I’m a kid who’s only 17

I know He’s got a better plan

I don’t listen to what I think 

You know I’m screaming til I die

Right now I feel so alive

Ain’t NOTHING that I have inside

To change the fact I’m sanctified

Murder fear like it’s the plague

I think that I’m going quite insane

I pray this all is not in vain

I’m living proof from all this pain 

My selfishness is crippling

I think my ego’s tripling

There’s water in my soul I really feel like it’s just rippling 

     Sometimes I feel like constant self-evaluation is the only way I can stay sane. I am not a good Christian. In fact sometimes I hate the term Christian. I rather not be one. Forget that crap. I guess this can sound cheesy, I don’t know. I follow Jesus. Not religion. Not pastors. Not tradition. They can all get corrupted oh so easily. Jesus is NOT the one who causes people to beat their children for being gay “all in the name of God”, or exile anyone who doesn’t have Christian beliefs. I don’t quote the Bible much, I know. But I was reading 1st Corinthians yesterday and I came across a part that said, “If I speak the languages of men and of angels, but do not have love, I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
     If I don’t love, I am just making mindless noise. Nobody is listening to me if I do not love. For all the evil going on in the modern-day church, and in Christianity in general, I have but one suggestion: stop judging, stop hating, stop enforcing, stop everything. Just love. Okay now that I got that off my chest, I can continue with what I was talking about, or at least where I was trying to go with this whole thing to begin with.
     It doesn’t make any sense. Everything I struggled with, and all this stuff that used to plague my mind when I was writing my book has all started to go away. During the time I was writing my book, (if you don’t know, yes, I am releasing a book in the next month entitled Freedom From Myself) I was struggling with so many things. I was tired of being single. I wanted people to accept me. I was discovering what it was like to go deeper than ever before in my faith. I prayed every day so much about everything. I was genuinely hurting inside. I didn’t even realize it, but fast forward to here and now, and I could care less if I’m single or not. I’m just content wherever God has me. I am completely secure in who I am and know that I can’t change myself, so I’m just going to embrace it!
     I know that I probably shouldn’t admit all these problems to the world, but you can judge me all you want. You can think different of me, I don’t care at all. If my life is completely bashed and attacked because I talk about what I struggle with, that’s OKAY. I have had so many people message me, talk to me, and call me just to tell me how much my blog has impacted them. It doesn’t make any sense to me, but it is completely worth any hate or criticism all for even just one person to be encouraged. I don’t do any of this for myself, but for God to work through me.

My book is coming soon. Get ready.

Find Freedom,
Luke.

Why Your Motives Define Everything

-Motives&Madness-

We get dressed up to get undressed

So we can impress our weakness 
Cause we’re obsessed with her silk dress

We clean up this mess with another mess

I’m in debt to this impulse

Like a cigarette that’s been smoked

They say I’m surrounded by safety like an egg yoke

My grizzly fate that I don’t know 

Will be here in a flash like a photo

I’ll be flash fried, but whatever. Yolo.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

     What if everything I do is for myself? I have a hard time discerning even my own motives sometimes. I have to ask, why am I really doing this? Is this blog just a big place for me to attempt to gain the acceptance of other people? Is it an outlet for me to prove to people I am not completely stupid even though my SAT scores and report cards hint that I won't ever amount to much? I don’t know really have an answer. I just know what the answer should be. I should want more than anything to do everything that I do, for God.
     I’m not going to lie, it is a little weird because I feel completely and utterly called to write. I feel as though it is what I was meant to do. That gives me an excuse that no matter what happens, I am in the clear because this is what I was called to do, right? Wrong. It’s tricky. Bare with me if you are still confused… What if my motives are wrong, because when I do “God’s work”, I am really just doing it for my own gain? Sometimes I just want to keep up all this writing so that one day I can be well known. I constantly need reminding that I am not the focus. I can go get hit by a bus. I am nothing without Him. I want God to speak through me. If my motives are all jacked up, how can I allow Him to clearly speak through me?
     We must all make sure that the reason we do anything, is to bring God glory. I don’t care how old you are, no man or woman is perfect. This post goes out to people of all ages. What are your motives for singing, writing, speaking, giving advice, playing sports, preaching God’s word, going to work, going to church, sounding philosophical, etc. Heck what is the reason you post on Facebook that you are having an amazing quiet time? I’m pretty sure the only thing that’s quiet at that moment is the Holy Spirit. 
     I remember I used to underline things in my Bible. I would convince myself it was helping me, but secretly I would be doing it in hopes that people would see how much I marked it up and think I was some spiritual person. It was bull crap.

So why am I even writing this blog post right now? For you all to see it? Or for God to work in someone’s life? I pray that my motives are not twisted. Because I am. Thankfully God uses my twisted personality to say things like all this. 

Where are your motives at?

#Freedom,
-Luke.

( - Song Of The Day: Trip Lee - Manolo - )

SOAR - Why You Are The Best You There Is

If I could be honest I’m terrified.

There’s a lotta things I ain’t done before.

And there’s a lotta things I ask God why

Fear intimidates me like a matador

Spread my wings, spread my wings, 

I know for sure that I’m ready to soar

Dimond rings, fancy things,

They’re looking nicer than before

But what meaning does it have in the kingdom 

Nothing not even a grain of rice,

My lyrical intimacy is colder than a block of ice

This stress is getting to my head. And I’m procrastinating all the time

Sometimes I just wish I was dead. But I’m not so I write it in this rhyme.

This book and work and school and friends are making me wish I could cry in a corner.

Don’t forget I gotta get into a great college if I ever expect to fit in this warped world’s order. 

Stack all of that on the fact that I've had anxiety attacks a whole lot more lately,

and now I’m getting nervous thinking about what I have to do daily.

It’s why instead of doing my responsibilities, 

I retreat to what isn’t new to me

And write down everything I feel believing this is all a scheme,

for me to finally crack.

I hope I can stay sane, cause I’m lifting off the floor.

Forget the old life I had, I’m aiming higher. I'm trying to soar.

     What up? I'm back again. Instead of talking about myself, let's talk about something great. Let's talk about you. This time I want to tell YOU how much worth you have. You are so much better than they tell you that you are on TV. If some random person on Instagram told you that you were a 7/10, I'm here to tell you that you are a 10/10. How can I say that? Well because nobody makes a better you, than you.

     I don't think people realize how insecure I used to be. I would literally not go places because I felt ashamed of the way I looked. I tried WAY too hard to get girls to like me, so that I could ignore them and tell myself I could do better. Yeah, I know, a total dirtbag move. That's not how you treat girls, just for future reference, guys. You aren't defined by the number of girls that like you, and girls, you aren't defined by the number of guys you can get to flirt with you. Stop it. None of you have to stoop that low, you are better than that. But sometimes we don't realize it. I think we even do this subconsciously. We feel like we need to prove ourselves so that we can feel like the "cool kids".

     You might not can tell, but the people you see that seem so cool, are probably the ones that feel the most insecure. They have the deepest problems. They have built a huge barrier of fake self-worth around their insecurity. They are the ones that always talk about who likes them all the time. I used to do that a lot. I used to be the one who tried so hard to get girl's attention that I ended up looking stupid. What it boiled down to was I was searching for affirmation in girls and other people, instead of embracing who I was. I always wanted to look better. There was always something I was wanting to get so that "maybe now I can be cool". I didn't realize that I was the best 'me' out there! If a girl was going to like a fake version of myself, then she wasn't really liking me. And if you're foundation starts out on a throne of lies, the whole masterpiece will be ruined.

     Back to my point, I am the best Luke Anthony Boyd out there! (Unless there is someone else with the exact same name. Sorry man. No hard feelings.) After a while I was like, "you know what? I like all my freckles. And if I like them, can't nobody tell me NOTHING. I love my toothpick-shaped body. I LOVE MY BABY FACE."

There you go. 

Just scream it out.

     Scream out that you love yourself. It's not bragging, it's being comfortable in what God gave you. For real, you aren't getting another body. You can't change the way you look (At least for the better. Sorry plastic surgery. You freak me out.) So why spend your life complaining about it? 

EMBRACE WHAT YOU GOT. (yeah, grammar was never my strongest subject.)

Forget all the ads and magazines telling you that all you have to do is buy "this" or buy "that", wear "this", wear "that". You are perfect already. Girls, you don't look like Beyonce? I'm glad. Because you look like you. 10/10. Don't change. Guys, you aren't as cool as Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love? Who cares. Being you is the coolest you there will ever be.

Okay, is this turning into a cheesy rant? I'm sorry.

My point is, you were made to soar. Once I quite trying to be like other people, accepted who I was, and embraced every part of me, I became joyful. So can you. Your soul is the most important thing. Why cry about what's temporary? (Double meaning. Ohhhhhh!) In 150 years from now, your soul is all you will have. Deal with it. Be who God made you to be and quit whining about it. Go out and soar. Enter the boundless mysteries of life and soar without a worry in the world. 

You are you. Embrace it. Fight your sin nature. And love people.

I lie to myself a lot,

Freedom From Me,

-Luke.

The One Thing That Controls Your Life

   -Unfulfilled Dreams-

I don't want to look back and talk about what I could have done

I don't want to look back and talk about what I should have done

I don't want to look back and talk about what I would have done

I want to look back talk about what a did

How I followed my dreams and took risks

Because wasting my life makes me sick

If I had money, but no joy, it's all useless

If I did it all, but didn’t have God, what's the use of it?

I don't want to abuse this

And tell my grandchilden my story was financially secure
As I look back at what I could have done better as I wonder.
if I’ll really listen
Or will I be too distant
God, I can’t help but chase after what I know could be the death of me
But I know that it could also help more people than I’ll ever see
Help me make the right decision cause I need it desperately
Scratch that… I don’t even know where to begin with this
The journey already seems endless
But I’m ready to dedicate my life to this
I need conformation or I might just quit
This is something I gotta be sure about
Not where people ask my whereabouts
I really wanna do this here and now
But all that’s really in me is fear, now.
I really wanna get attention, how?
No wait, attention should never be the end goal.

Let me put a pistol in front of my soul's window and guard it from everything sinful.

     Fear can be the most crippling thing ever. Fear can determine wether you follow what dreams you want to achieve, or back down and choose the easy road. It keeps you chained down and scared to speak, try, experience, be passionate, play, run, be free! Fear steals your freedom. It becomes an addiction because you might be able to run to it for safety, but you aren't really safe. The very thing you are running to is what you are chained to. Your brain has switched what is evil and what is good. 

"Oh no, I'm fine. Speaking in front of people isn't for me." 

"I rather not go there. I prefer my usual routine."

"Well okay, I'll do it. It might hurt their feelings if I say no."

     Right now quite honestly I feel on top of fear. I feel like I broke its hold on me. It's why I'm writing this, because I feel so much more free. I'm positive that I'm not unafraid of everything. In fact, I'm afraid that I will compromise the standards I have set for myself. I'm afraid if I kill the beliefs that have rooted my faith, my faith will wither away. I am really afraid of a lot things. But I'm sure David was afraid of Goliath, did that stop him? David didn't let fear control him. 

What it comes down to is this: we're afraid of fear.

     Being afraid is normal, but it's when we fight even though we doubt, that true character shines throughout. (Sorry, unintentional rhyming ;) .... My biggest prayer for us all is that we go even though we want to stop. That our emotions don't control who we are. That other's opinions don't stop us from chasing what is right. That as I grow up, because I am only 17, I always remember fear is only as alive as I make it. I was God to use me however He wants to. I will die if I have to. I will speak in front of thousands if He want me to. I will go. And fear won't stop me. 

     I don't care what you do. I don't care if you sit at home all your life. It's your life. God didn't put me in charge of you, and frankly I'm glad because I don't really care enough. Sue me. I'm telling you I won't let fear control me. I want you to choose the same, but I'm not forcing anyone to, as you can see. I pray you find freedom from fear in your own life too. Don't let fear be an excuse.

Freedom From Me,

Luke.

What If You're A Christian Who Is Skipping Happily Into Hell?

     When you become precious to God, you become important to Satan

It’s why the devil’s throwing at me every single temptation

And I’dunno where I’m racing, I just know that I floored it.

It’s like I’m running from something I think I’m just going toward it.

Intention is nothing without a current direction

So I play against the infection as if it's recreation

Everything is mind game, sometimes I wonder what to put my faith in.

Let me keep You as #1, over searching for fun, life as only be begun

I need to be ready when the hard times come.

Unless they're already here, I think I'm living in fear

I'm laughing like a child while I'm on the verge of tears.

I don't want cute quotes to fix me, I need true hope living in me.

     The road to death is a long, happy, exciting one. I often wonder how pastors like Joel Osteen can live with themselves. Then I start really putting myself in his shoes, and what I begin to think is, he actually believes what he is preaching.... WELL DUH. This is where I elaborated on that idea, and began to think, what if there are plenty of Christians out there that truly believe they are doing good, but are really going down that wrong road? What if that's me? These question haunt my very being, and make my faith shake sometimes. What if I'm living wrong? What if the devil wants me to believe everything is alright? What if.... What if.... What if.... What if....

     Satan is a genius. We have all been shown what to look out for. We have all been taught to look for the wolves in sheep skin. But what if he just slightly twists the words of a sheep? What if God doesn't intervene as much as your over-spiritualizing self wants Him to? I don't know. I honestly don't have an answer. The Bible doesn't give an accurate, exact number on how many times God performs miracles in each of our lives. Satan is well aware that we are looking out for the wolves. He is also well aware that we won't notice if we ourselves become the wolves. Satan makes it his goal to eat away at our faith and our very soul. 

     What if we don't even know that the very monster we are trying to fight is ourselves? The Devil didn't have to plant seeds of envy, hate, and lust in us like he did in the beginning of time. We already have it in us now. He just has to bring out what is already buried deep inside of who we are. I need to pray for me, that my mind won't be clouded by a desire of the flesh. That I don't have to listen to my sinfulness telling me that I am worthless. I have to be on guard from myself, because the devil wants to poke at my dark side. He wants it to consume who I am, and me not even realize it. That is what I fear most. Not that I turn into a monster, but that I turn into a monster who doesn't even realize it. Once he has convinced me that bad is good, I will stroll happily down the path of destruction and swan dive into the Lake of Fire.

      Okay, I feel like I've used too many metaphors. Let's bring this around to the point I'm trying to make.... Take a look at what you believe, why you believe it, and who you have become. Where did you get those ideas from? The Bible is all we have to fact-check what we believe. Don't believe anything else. I have to constantly check myself, looking to see if my truth has been warped. Maybe this post doesn't make sense. Maybe I am crazy. Whatever. I felt like I needed to say this.

Freedom From Me,

Luke.

Random Thoughts

I used to struggle to find words that could rhyme.
Now look at me, 
I don’t have the decency
This is coming off the top of my head and I’m writing it down easily.
You’re a clown, so step down, or I’ll go around your body on the ground after I knock your socks off.
Please stop your songs are making my ears pop
Be like Taylor and shake it off.
All these insecure women just take it off.
And how in the world could you do this,
Murdering children in the womb calling them sub-human
Makes me sick to think about,
All I feel I can do is run around
Screaming don’t do it while I’m rhyming somehow
Maybe I should get louder
Show everybody I don’t have the power
Now the spotlight has ironically hit the lighthouse.
I’m not afraid to scream what I believe right now.
And if money is everything, then I don’t want anything.
I hope the words of this song are nothing but crippling
To your soul, it’s the goal of my life. 
Not to live for what I can get, I know that I’m right.
I’ll say that again, money is nothing to me
If I could give it all away I would do it instantly.
Still I have to murder whats inside of me.
Or it will leave my whole life spiraling. 
I dedicate all of this to the person that is lost in confusion.
Things aren’t God’s substitution.
You’re losing, just back up, I’m #1 with a lack of, individuality 
I’m cowardly on the inside I’m dastardly, look at where I will be in 10 years. Just wait and see.
NO. I forget this is God and me
If I do it for me it has no value at all.
Look at where God will take me in 10 years, I already heard the call
Still I guess I’m waiting to fall
I thought I had gone from Saul to Paul
If my life’s a plane, I think I’m about to stall
Sitting on my knees begging God as I crawl
I’m juggling personalities
So I gotta let this out of me
Sin is towering
But God is empowering
Somebody lied and said the fruits of the spirit are souring
Writing this leaves my failures cowering
Even though I’ve been here for an hour
Their lyrics just seem to be grating
on my my mind or enslaving
my mind it’s engraving 
all these bad imitations 
of what life is made of
This was supposed to chain me
But instead it just saved me
from the dark picture I’m painting
on my heart that’s too innocent.
Nah forget it I’m a figment of my imagination
Who ever said I can’t show off what I please God with
Just because it leaves your heads nodding
or your souls sobbing
I can’t help it that I write from my pain
I can’t help it that I’m going insane
I can’t help it that we’re a grain of sand
we don’t understand, I am not the plan 
but a puzzle piece sitting in the stands
but I am not a fan cause I live my life by this
I’ve got my lighthouse lit.
I’m shining for these kids
that don’t have a voice.
I thought I told you people, I am just a boy.
Writing from my pain…
Huh,
Maybe I say things too blatantly. 
One day, just wait and see.

I Rather Be An Outsider...

Outsider (Poem)

I’d rather be an outsider.
The world is throwing this stuff at me making me an angry writer.
Now I turned my words into a weapon, guess that makes me a fighter.
We gotta be a light in this world so I’m holding up my lighter.
Girls clothes get tighter, Cause they know where our eyes set, 
I’m losing sight of my goal, I shouldn’t see them as objects.
-
SNAP OUT OF IT.
The world says to be proud if it.
I should be astounded, gosh I wish I was grounded,
cause they way that I’m crashing it’s like horns of Jericho just sounded.
On the outside I seem to have it all together like Ron Burgundy,
But on the inside I don’t know why there’s hurt in me.
Should I follow the world? Or should I follow what’s true?
Sometimes I get sick of rhyming things.
Because I wonder what’s going on inside of me
The fruit of my sinfulness is ripening
It’s like I’ve replaced God with this poetry.
As if it’s the thing that’s been holding me,
I think it’s just controlling me.
whenever I mess up, it’s just an outlet.
But I keep trying to recharge my soul like it’s a power outlet.
I forget to take the power out of what I consume.
Because if I let it get a hold of me I know that I’ll lose.
They are telling us what to do, like, “HERE, put on these shoes!”,
And they’re brainwashing our kids too, heck probably through Blues Clues.
I know that I’m a liar. 
I wish my morals were higher.
Oh well, even if I fail my heart won’t stop. I’m still an outsider.
(By Luke Boyd)




     In light of Lecrae’s new album coming out, I have been fan-girling over the past week. It’s a great piece of art and I totally recommend picking it up. Anyway, what really hit home with me out of the whole album is the first song, Outsider. The idea is, even though the world says this, and even though the world might want us to just have fun, I rather be an outsider. I rather follow what I know to be true. It brought me to a whole new stance because I had really been struggling with the world. I had been wanting to be accepted by them, because I thought that is where I could find my happiness.
     That’s why I am completely in love with this term, “outsider”. As I am gearing up for college, and frankly as I live my life now around people that are not saved, it is tough not to follow them. I don’t want to say, “Yeah, sorry I’ve never been drunk, I can’t relate.” or, “No… I am saving that for when I am married.” There is a fine line between engaging with non-believers, and accepting and following how they live. I want to be friends with everybody, but I can’t compromise my standards to please everybody. I can either follow the world, or follow Jesus.
     To follow Jesus isn’t very popular anymore. Christianity is on the rise, but following Jesus is on the decline. I must be an Outsider. We must be Outsiders. I know that if we followed what the world does, we could have lots of fun. But pleasure isn’t the goal of life anymore. We are called to fight sin and proclaim truth until they day we die. If that makes me an outsider, then so be it. If I get weird looks and have no friends, so be it. I love people, but love isn’t a synonym for accepting. 
     And as my life living independently grows closer and closer, I am determinded to not be another 'church drop-out' statistic. My faith is only getting stronger, and God is only making me bolder. I encourage you to fight along side with me. I’m going to love people, and love God. Let’s wear our scars out loud and make a difference. Be okay with living outside.

My name is Luke, 
I am a white kid who loves rap and poems, I write down my thoughts and sometimes they rhyme, I will fight sin and proclaim truth until the day I die (see, that kind of rhymed, right? No, k…) 
...and I am an #Outsider.

Why The Narrow Path Is The New Wide Road (Matt 7:13-14)

Let’s Not Forget (Poem)

Let's not forget, why I started all this in the first place
Before any of this writing, or promising gimmick
Before any of my haunting and lonesome addiction
You where there. Watching me fight
You held your arms open wide
When I prayed to you asking for You to guide
I turned back around when you offered your advice
Let's not forget, You stood by me even in the midst
When I betrayed you over and over, telling You "I didn't need this"
I can't live my life, saying others have it worse
Cause the fact of the matter is, I'm still writing this apologetic verse
There's still something inside of me, I need You to fight
My spiraling thoughts. I despise them, I don't want to hate my own life
But to not address what's right in front me is actually wrong
So I wove it between the notes of this song
I apologize for all the times I've failed
Too easily I forget You already prevailed
I don't have to please anyone or prove myself
My addiction to sin can be controlled through the pain that He felt
Lord, forgive me.
Open up what's in my heart and rip out all of the envy
I already messed up my beginning, so write me a new ending
Use me and my words, cause I'm tired of my life pending.

     One of the biggest lies Satan can make us believe is that we are doing God's work, when in fact really we aren't. It is crazy to see how much we change in a few years. In the past probably 2 years, something changed me. I went from praying every night, to believing everything was alright as my emotions and spiritual blindness just built up around me. I got more confident, yeah... but what did I have to sacrifice? And was it confidence that I was actually gaining?
     One thing I have always tried to do is be friends with every person I meet. I want to show them God's love even when nobody else is talking to them. I just love people. Probably because I used to be that shy new kid in school that nobody talked to, and I knew how terrible it felt. Anyway, over the course of me getting older, and thinking about college, I began to think my faith was automatically growing up with me. It was actually the opposite. Because I thought that, my eagerness to learn more about God went away. I thought I knew all I needed to know, and I could just live life with the knowledge I had.
     That's painful. That is so far from the truth. You might be asking yourself (or it's just me, yeah, probably just me), "Luke, why would your ego-inflated-self tell us that random fact that you always want to make people feel loved? To brag? (As if that is supposed to be impressive)"
My point in telling you that is, this past chapter in my life, I noticed I began to actually reject people. I would just say,
"Oh they are that kind of person? I don't even want to talk to them. I shouldn't; they will drag me down with them."
Can you imagine how selfish that would sound if God told me one day,
"Luke, this person didn't know Me, they are going to have to be separated from Me for eternity. And look, I gave you a chance to say something, but apparently you *insert excuse here*."
   
     I believe all this stems from me somehow convincing myself that I already know good enough. The title of this post is Why The Narrow Path Is The New Wide Road. If you aren't familiar with this analogy, please see Matthew 7:13-14, or else you will be more lost than a teenage boy hammered drunk at a Ke$ha concert... I convinced myself that I was already on the narrow path, and doing everything right. My inflated ego got in the way of God humbling me. It blinded me from realizing that I was actually doing what the world does on the wide road. God tells us we have to work our whole lives trying to free ourselves from sin. The moment we tell ourselves we have the answers, is the moment we lose them. The moment we tell ourselves we have life figured out, is the time we come to realize we don't. (Or we don't even get the chance to realize it).
     So I introduce a new concept (at least it's new to me)... The Narrow Illusion. I define it simply by restating what I said above: The moment we think we have God figured out, is the proof that we don't. Many people think they are on the narrow road, following God. But who are they really following? Their own desires? Anyone can say they follow God and really not, even if they themselves believe they do. I did that for the longest time... sometimes I still do it. In the end, God only knows our true intentions and motives.

So why do you do what you do? Who do you do it for?

I'm just going to be praying. For my friends, and for me. We all need it.
Your friend,
-Luke.

Why God Can Use Your Darkest Times For Greatness (My Depression)

Who Do You Think You Are? (Poem)

I thought that you were nice at first.
But apparently that was just an act of hurt.
So that you can take me down with you, jerk.
And you keep that thought in the back of my mind, 
that any one of my loved ones could get cancer at just about any time.
Forget you. There’s nothing you can do, me and God are glued
I’m going to run faster than you, better get some new shoes
Cause I’m gonna finish this race. And He’s gonna wipe the floor with you.
You tryna' tell me that the very thing controlling me doesn’t even exist,
And that every time I sin God’s keeping a list, so why even bother.
Who do you think you are?
Even if every person I looked up to fell off the path
I’m going follow Jesus and do whatever He asks
Even if I have to give up music cause it turns to a sin
I can finally see there’s a wolf in that sheep skin
How can you strip every ounce of dignity I have left
And make me think that I’m a nobody when I reflect
You need to calm down, I’m a child of God that’s been sought out.
I don’t have to be an insecure monster that’s drowns in his sorrow
Or be crippled by anxiety and always worry about tomorrow
My soul ain’t something you can borrow!
It’s God’s, leave me alone.
I am not another clone
I am more than a single groan
I have new mercy that I’ve been shown
Calm down your stupid tone
You can’t have my family, you can’t have me.
You turned into the devil and I wanna be set free
Who do you think you are?
Making me think my guilt is something I deserve to feel
It's got me tripping up like I fell on a banana peel. 

Oops.



     I have a confession to make. Back when I was probably around 11 to 15 or so, I struggled with depression. I felt worthless, like I meant nothing to anybody. I honestly don't know what I was thinking then. To me, now, it seems kind of silly the things that would trigger those dark episodes. Which is why I can tell that something was going on inside me. I don't know what it was, but there was something wrong. It made me think I would never go anywhere in life. I pretty much thought I would be better off dead.
     To come out and say this openly is kind of frightening. I don't want anyone to feel like it was their fault or they could have prevented it. Coming from the person who dealt with it, it wasn't anything anybody had done. The feelings would be triggered by something, yes, but I could tell there was something much deeper that was involved. Obviously I know I am not better off dead. I don't even know why I thought that at all. All I knew then was that Jesus could help, as cheesy as that may have sounded, it is still true.
     When I would go down into those holes of depression, I would open my Bible and pray (well, more like beg), then repeat until I would snap out of it. It helped so much. I have a bathroom where there is an extra little room with a shower. Rewinding back a little, I remember when I was about 13 or 14 sitting in there with all the lights off. In complete darkness. Really asking myself if I should even try. I wasn't as cool as *insert friend here* who seemed to have all the girls liking him, and I never felt true happiness anymore. Those are the thoughts that caused me to hate myself. That was the lowest time I ever remember in my life. It seemed like Hell.
     Finally I don't even know how I changed so fast. I suddenly started opening my Bible and begging God to take away those thoughts. Every time it happened I would do that over and over again. Over time, it all stopped. The thoughts, the depression, the lies that went through my head. God brought me out of it. Also, because I had spent so much time soaking in God's Word and praying I grew so much spiritually, I didn't even know it was possible. It was a defining moment in my life for my faith as well. Some people might say that I didn't have "real depression", but I don't really care what it was. I was not thinking of technical terms when I was contemplating giving up.
     This little story is more proof that God can turn even the absolute worst times, into something more than incredible. I am so thankful that He put it on my heart to retreat to Him when I was hurting. I never told anyone this and it never dawned on me that God saved me from that situation until I was recently thinking about it. So instead of this being about how life is hard, or about how we should stop doing something, let this be an encouragement. That you aren't worthless. You have meaning, and you need to be shown that you do have meaning. Telling others won't solve the problem, but it can help. I can't promise that you will suddenly be cured, I can just tell you what happened to me. Jesus helped me.

I pray this helps you in some way.
From your friend,
Luke.

#FreedomFromMe

I Don't Have An Answer.

     I just need to vent for a moment. I don't know how long this will end up being. I hate this world's state. No I'm not about to rant about the world and how we can solve it, I'm about to rant about how we can't solve it. And that scares me. Throughout my years of living, I hear people yelling at me telling me "this" is how to solve our problems, or "that" is how. I was recently reading a philosophy book and I came across a problem called The Trolley Problem.

I'll break it down for you:
     There is a a train that is going full speed and it cannot be stopped in any way, shape, or form. The train is approaching a part of the track where it can break off to another path way. All it takes is a simple pull of a lever to turn the train's course down to the other pathway. On one of the two paths to take are 4 people. They will not move off the tracks, if you don't pull the lever they will be hit and killed. Now on the second track that leads off the main one, is a single person. If you pull the lever and divert from killing the 4 people, you will kill the one person. The question here is, do you pull the lever and save the 4 people in exchange for the one man's life, or do you leave the train down its course and kill the 4 people?

     Many philosophers have debated this for centuries. Frankly it seems hyper-unlikely, but according to how the world works, it could happen. We can think up plenty of other situations too that have the same basic moral dilemma. Honestly even if there is some sort of loop hole here, there are plenty of other situations that we just can't explain. Why do people kill themselves? Why do I doubt my faith? Why am I insecure? I am constantly haunted by countless unanswerable questions. Ask any one of any age, nobody has the answer to everything. And we can't have the answer. We won't even have the answers in this life. Give up on that.

     If we can grasp this idea, we can stop acting like we are living perfect lives in our perfect world. Being fake disgusts me. My family isn't perfect at all. We fight a lot, but I love them to death. And I will love them to my death. If you are struggling with something you don't have to act like you have everything together. We sure as heck know we don't have it together. I despise masks. And the fact that I wear them.

     No I am not smart. I don't feel smart or godly at all. I don't feel qualified to write this, I don't feel good and right with God, I haven't even opened my Bible in the past week. What's up with that? Adults used to tell me I was poster boy for a good child, but on the inside I was hurting. I acted like everything was great, but me and God both knew that it wasn't. I only act confident so that I can hide my lack of confidence. I tell people, "I'm doing great" when I am not. Some days I feel completely hopeless, other days I'm happy as can be. I don't think that I'm going to Hell or anything, in fact I think quite the opposite. Jesus was sent here to take our place in Hell. He died so that even though I struggle internally, I can be free one day. This life is going to be hard, all the way to the end. Don't set yourself up to live a perfect life in an imperfect world. You will be let down. Loved ones will die. But we can have this hope in Jesus that everything will be alright! The world is broken, and I can't fix it, you can't fix it, nobody can. God has given us hope, if we will take it.

     So if you don't have the answers, that's okay. Life isn't over. We have to make due with what we have. After all we chose sin over God. Thankfully He didn't leave us, but gave us another chance. We just have to live with our consequences until Jesus comes back. I pray it is soon. Oh so soon. I guess I am just tired of acting like I have the answers in an answerless world. I don't know why a mother's child got cancer and died. I hate it and it is horrible, but I won't act like there is an answer to it that I know. I don't know why people kill themselves, but maybe the answer lies in the reality of hopelessness in a world where they don't know Jesus. So stop explaining, and do more praying. Stop looking to make this world perfect and harmonious when it is dying. The only thing that isn't dying is our souls. Invest and feed them. It's all we have left that is meaningful.

I am not saying all this to depress people, because it should be the opposite. This should show you that you can take off your mask and be honest. You won't be cured of all your struggles forever, but it can definitely help a lot. You can still find peace in this broken world, but it starts with admitting we are indeed broken.

I hope this encourages you, I pray to God that it does.
#ThisIsMe

Also: here is my song of the day! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvOBYXXUQfE

If I Were To Die Tomorrow...

-Another insert from my book-

If I Died…

     If it came to it that I died today or tomorrow, I want everybody to know that I never gave up. Regardless of the temptations thrown at me, I keep pressing on. Regardless of how many times I stumbled, I got back up, and pressed on. I want my family to know that I loved them and would take a bullet for every one of them. In fact, I want every person I have ever come into contact with to know that I would have died for every single one of you. I doesn’t matter if I knew you or not, I can honestly say I would die for you. If I died tonight, I know that I will be at peace with God. Maybe I won’t live to be an old man. My life could end in an instant. This should scare non-believers to the core. The beauty of Jesus is once you’ve accepted Him, it doesn’t matter if you die. I know that I’ve messed up in every way possible. Jesus saved me now suddenly I’m worthy! If I die tomorrow, I want people to use the love I showed as fuel to never give up.

     Be weary, those that seem to have this “God” thing figured out might burn in Hell the next day. There’s fakes and there’s the people who don’t believe at all. They throw this all aside like it really doesn’t matter. But just like Jesus, I’m going to put my all in preaching to a world who hates preachers.

     When it comes down to it, this world really doesn’t matters. It will all fade away eventually. Where are you going when that happens? Have you been the guy who signed a paper and got baptized, but never grew in your faith? It’s time to man up, because this is all that matters. Your grades don’t matter. Your looks don’t matter. Basketball doesn’t matter. Football doesn’t matter. That job you covet really doesn’t matter. Use your life preparing for eternity. Others opinions will soon fade away. Your house will be wiped away, along with your body. What lasts forever is your soul. The best thing you can do here on earth is build relationships. Don’t wait to take Jesus as your savior; He is standing there with arms wide open. All you have to do is run to them!

Only Two Ways

      In the story of the cross, when Jesus was being crucified, there were also two others beside Him. What this story breaks down to is a perfect analogy of what will happen to everyone at the end of their life. One of the men hanging there beside Jesus cried out for forgiveness, and said he believed that what Jesus said was true. Because of the man’s repentance, Jesus said “You will join me in paradise.” No matter what you have done, or what stage of life you are in, you can always be forgiven. No sin is too great to out-weigh what Jesus took on that cross.

     The problem is, you don’t know if you’ll die in your sleep tonight, get shot walking somewhere, or die instantly in a car crash. It could happen, and it would be too late. The other end of the story is that the other man next to Jesus didn’t care. He was angry and full of hate. Jesus didn’t beg him to repent. He won’t beg you either. When the two men died, one went to eternal bliss, and the other to eternal torture. If Hell is the opposite of Heaven, and Heaven is full of goodness, what do you think will be in Hell? For me, I don’t care what is there, because that’s not where I’m going. Where are you going?

Your definition of failure affects your entire view on God.

     I remember growing up and hearing all these amazing stories of a God that did all these great things for people. They made it seem like He was a magical fairy who sits up in Heaven waiting to hear just the right words before giving the people what they want. People used to say “I’ve been praying about this for years now and I don’t know why He won’t answer me!” My response is, maybe your personal comfort doesn’t matter. Maybe even though you do everything the spirit tells you to do, you won’t get anything in return (physically at least). I propose that being a “prayer warrior”, in the sense that you just pray for the same thing (wording it different each time) for hours and hours, really does nothing at all. He wants us to bring our struggles to Him and ask him to make sense of them, maybe if it is His will, He’ll give us what we desire. Even in the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus says, “Your will be done”. If someone close to you has cancer, you should be asking God for His will to be done. Perhaps dying and going to be with God is a better solution than your selfish desires. I’m not saying you’re wrong for wanting something bad to go away. I completely understand that in that moment we just want it to go away. I’m saying we should be asking God to take what we don’t understand, and use it for His glory. However, we have a big tendency in this day and age to think we know as much as God.

     How do you view a prayer that goes unanswered? Let me assure you that God didn’t fail or forget. If we view getting what we want as “success” then, we need to change. If “failing” is not getting what we want, then God fails a lot. He gives us the choice to choose what He wants and knows is best, or to choose what he doesn’t want. Regardless, he stills gives us the choice. Scary thought, right? “Luke, you can’t say that! God is perfect!” That He is, so what gives you the right to define God’s failure or success at all? The only failure here is us failing to see the bigger picture. God doesn’t give us all the answers, and is in no way required to.

     Just like children don’t understand why they can’t go to the park by themselves, we question God like we know what’s better. If we start being followers, and stop being the annoying guy that always gives his irrelevant opinion, we can find a lot more peace. When we see that the story isn’t about us, but God’s ultimate triumph over evil, suddenly our problems don’t seem that big anymore.